Hha - Tumblr Posts

dustin: why did no one tell me that steve patched things up with his dad ?

robin: uhhh because he didn’t. what are you talking about ?

dustin: that’s weird, because last night, i kept hearing him say “daddy” over and over again in his room and he sounded really happy—

robin: dustin…did eddie happen to sleep over last night ?

dustin: yeah, why ?

robin: just wondering….no particular reason

Yyaaay im in tears and happineess

This fucking sign. I swear.

wedding officiant: do you take ronald mcdonald-

dennis: shshsshshsjhshshsppfpfptttt

mac: >:(

officiant: *ahem* do you take ronald mc-

dennis: prpffpptpttthahahHAHAHAAHAHAHA

imagine being blind and falling in love with someone assuming they were a human because they could talk and you were never given reason to assume otherwise and then at the end when youre dying in each others arms you gently run your hands over their face and youre just like “what the fuck is this a ninja turtle”

Silly, Billy, Boy

Dear Tumblr Diary #6

After coming home from my first deployment, I was fortunate enough to go back to work on a military duties (Covid missions). For two yearsI was financially okay. I was able to make full payments on any and all my bills. I speak on this because it’s a little rough out here right now. I’m doing things I don’t care to to do. Only because it pays the bills. And the process of finding work is daunting, even draining!I would like to develop other skills out here. However, they take too much of your soul. Just to get in to the course.

Speaking of souls, I found out yesterday on Saint Patrick's that one was called home. Although I enjoy helping people and caring for them. I do not wish to be a HHA anymore. It's convenient but not suitable for me anymore. This would make the second or third death that I had to deal with or at least know about. Back in 2019 I cared for a man who was really sweet. In this line of work. Being a caretaker, you get to know people very personally. He was a man in his late 80's pushing his 90's. He was a souther black man. Although to me he look Indigenous. He had a hydrated caramel complexion. Bald head and a twang in his speak. He was also a man of streets. Well sorta. He was a hustler. In the time that I had known him, he would lend out money to people and shake them down. It was kind of cute to see him do this. Because he was no joke.

Even though he was strong in personality he was kind in other aspects. As I am an obvious homosexual, he was nice to me and like the way I mad my eggs. lol I knew that my culinary background would come in handy when I became a HHA, because I learned that the elderly can't cook or not able to cook for themselves as often as they use too. In training I was informed that there are times the elderly would eat cat food because of the affordability. And because they were on a fixed income. It's kind f scary to think that if you do not set yourself up for success or have children or even maintain relationships. No one will be there for you in the end.

My patient at the time lived in a facility where the elderly live. Albiet this one was much nicer and! It was his apartment. He was still lonely and a by himself. I think that's why he would behave the way he did. hustle, lone money out to people and shake the down when they didn't give it back. I tell you there's some thing cute when they still think they have it!

Besides him being a shaker downer and a sweet guy. He also came with a past like most people do. One time he became upset with me because he knew that I was becoming distant with him. He Eventually asked me why! I had to be honest with him and let him know that I was leaving and not for the reason that he thought. I told him that I was deploying in a couple of months and that I had a lot of training to do. And the the company also took me off the case because they need me to do something that should have been done months prior and penalized me for not doing it. In this time he received another aid and she was not like me at all. Too focused on her phone and not too focused on him. She did not speak, when she came in. Did not clean or cook. He begged me to come back and I could not. Thats when my heart broke.

When I take on a case, I remind myself, this has nothing to do with me and everything about the person I’m caring for. I remind myself, how I would like to be treated. How I would you like for someone to treat grandma. I try to display love them, as you would love my own. With these thoughts and feelings I strive to be the best. Despite how people perceive home health aids.

One of my most rememberable moments with my patient was when he addressed my homosexuality. He stated that he knew. And that he was comfortable, comfortable enough to share on his own experiences. How when he was in jail he would have relations with other men and how in that environment it was normal. He also, in a way stated that he loved me. Which I had to raise an eye brow at. I did not know how to take it. He stated that he was attracted to me and that he could now understand how two men could be involve and have a lasting love. I mean in this situation and in his experience with men and women. I being the care taker. To him I must have been perceived as a women. In his era, the roles I’m in, his social reality would have been a woman's role or job.

With this perspective. My perceived red flags, lowered from a red. Down to an amber orange. Steadying at a canary yellow in to a lime green. I didn't have to worry about, me being turnt around, cooking. All to then being sexually assaulted by him, being groped making breakfast eggs. That I have to say he was always pleasant to be around. It just saddens me that he passed away from covid in may of 2020. I should have reached out and called him.

But! Because I’m no longer with that company there was a clause for us not to reach out to patients when you depart. I didn't want to get sued so I stayed to my self. Only recently did I dare venture out and ask if he was okay and found this information. In a way I have to say that I think I failed him. I think I left him in the hands of people who could have done better for him. These agents only care about there money. I can sit here and say a Cliché line. Such as he’s in a better place. As far as I know his spirit is still in that tiny studio apartment and in happy. What I have learned from this situation is never things you have more time than you do. Because the clock is always clicking. Always moving.If not for you! It’s always clicking for someone else.

When you get the chance, say hello. Tell people you miss them and that they’re on your mind. Tell them, that you even hate them. Just to get the conversation started. But! Try your best to never let a day go by where people who invoke a feeling don’t know how they make you feel.