Bpd - Tumblr Posts
Just finished reading it </3
I think I am consuming myself again, I know it’s wrong but it feels so good. So familiar. Disappointing, yes, but that’s just what’s in my cards. I’m tired, always tired of waiting for something or somebody. God damn it.
Why do I have to care so much. My feelings are to big for my body.
I hold one card
That I can’t use.
Nothings going to fill the void, I tried everything
the feeling of crying when someone is in the same room as you and they still don't notice...
they're leaving me. they're leaving me again. for good this time... i knew it would happen because everyone abandons me sooner or later but i didn't want to acknowledge it. they are leaving me all alone in this godforsaken country with NO ONE.
i can't be alone again please...
my ed/bpd follows me everywhere, even all the way to my dreams. and im just so tired, sleepy, exhausted, and have so many things i need to do today...
god i just want a moment of peace.
god please, i am just so, so tired.
holy fucking shit guys i think i just got played so fucking hard ngl
Basil - BPD headcanons
This is a self indulgent post (maybe a vent?) but I’ve seen that other people headcanon Basil with bpd so I decided to make a more in depth post about it.
Major spoilers btw
Affective (Emotional) Instability
Basil tends to flip between emotions quite quickly. During the final fight, he switches between being gentle and being upset/angry. He first talks calmly to Sunny, then switches to being mad at him for moving away, then trying to be calm again as he tries to take on Sunny’s pain, then of course he ends up fighting Sunny and getting mad at him for trying to stop him. He struggles to keep his anger in and ends up having bursts of anger directed at Sunny, ultimately leading to him badly injuring Sunny.
It’s also implied that Basil had suicidal thoughts since he was about 12 or even before then as he is the one who comes up with the idea to frame Mari’s murder as a suicide by tying the skipping rope into a noose, which again suggests even at a young age he has had difficulty controlling his emotions.
Also, if you assume the Hooligans tell the truth, when Basil goes to the hangout spot, he spontaneously starts screaming and crying for no reason.
Disturbed Patterns of Thinking
Unlike Sunny who chooses to repress the incident, Basil holds onto the guilt. Basil grasps onto the belief that Sunny wasn’t the one who killed Mari, that Something overcame him and that’s what killed Mari and scribbled out the pictures from the photo album, therefore removing the burden of guilt from Sunny. He also sees his Something, even though the reality is nothing is there. But he sees it and feels it’s presence. And the Something is what made him fight Sunny and cut him in the eye. He believes that he is removing Something from Sunny, when in actuality he was just hurting Sunny.
Impulsive Behaviour
It’s not really shown what sort of impulsive things Basil does, but I assume that he probably does or has self harmed considering he knew about suicide from a young age. Also, on the final day, it’s safe to assume his desire to commit suicide was somewhat impulsive. He hadn’t attempted suicide before then (that we know of), but the shock of seeing Sunny again and stress of him leaving likely caused Basil to go over the edge. (And ofc depending on your choices, he may end up actually killing himself. He likely bottled up his pain and stress to the point that it caused him to end his life.)
Unstable Relationships
After the incident, Basil seemed reluctant to study with Aubrey, perhaps out of a fear that she would abandon him like Sunny did. And sadly that fear came to pass when Aubrey mistakenly believed that Basil scribbled out the faces in the photo album. Also, on “two days remaining”, Basil goes back to the hangout spot, likely because he can’t let go of what everyone has. He desperately wants things to go back to normal, when everyone was together.
Basil also refers to the friendships he had with everyone in the past tense, showing he feels as though everyone had left him and they were no longer friends, though Kel assured him of their friendship.
The biggest example of this though is that Basil keeps telling Sunny not to leave him. He feels immense distress and pain whenever Sunny tries to leave this room, probably not helped by the fact he was left alone to deal with Mari’s death alone and also because he didn’t know Sunny was moving until Kel mentioning it casually. This likely isn’t helped by Sunny’s repressed emotions, which may have come across as abandonment to Basil. Going back to the battle, Basil flicks between a desire to save Sunny and rage at Sunny trying to leave him again.
Basil cares deeply about Sunny, so after the incident, having Sunny suddenly hide away caused Basil a great deal of anxiety. Seeing him again 4 years later and learning he would soon be gone again would have only increased that anxiety, which is why Basil gets paranoid about Sunny trying to leave and so repeatedly asks Sunny not to go.
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Anyways, hopefully this wasn’t insanely inaccurate. My knowledge of bpd is still fairly limited, but I plan to research it more…for no particular reason. Please let me know if you have any thoughts!
