Shakespeare Joke - Tumblr Posts
Romeo: Netfix and chill?
Juliet: Netflix and kill?
“‘Cause darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a gay dream.”
— Viola to Olivia, Twelfth Night
Hamlet: Man delights not me—
Horatio: That’s not what you said last night, my lord.
Rosencrantz and Guildestern: WHAT.
Queen Gertrude: “Hamlet, Ophelia has died”
Hamlet: “This is so sad, Laertes play despacito”
“Who needs a soulmate anyway? My soulmate will be books! …Oh god I’m so lonely.”
-Hamlet
So much Hamlet shipping going on right now.
So Horatio is a girl and totally in love with Hamlet and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are obviously a gay couple. I am so pleased right now.
Claudius: Which one of you is in charge?
Guildenstern: Me-
Rosencrantz: Whoever yells the loudest.
shakespeare summarized badly
A Midsummer Night's Dream: doing weird shit at 2 am
Hamlet: dramatic gay makes tough choices
Romeo and Juliet: "hating dear old mom and daA-A-A-D"
Much Ado About Nothing: dear god they're oblivious
Twelfth Night: gender is irrelevant
Rosencrantz: You’re my best friend. Last year we shared a tooth brush!
Guildenstern: I was not… aware of that.
Rosencrantz: Well, we did.
Guildenstern: The can opener is broken.
Rosencrantz: So I guess now it’s a…can’t opener!
Guildenstern:
Guildenstern: I hate that I love you.
Horatio: Hamlet, you’re gonna hate yourself in the morning if you keep staying up this late.
Hamlet: Jokes on you. I’m going to hate myself in the morning no matter what.
Ophelia: So… Hamlet… Do you have a crush on someone??
Hamlet: The only crush I have is crushing anxiety.
An AU of Othello where everything is the same except Othello is named Brothello.
Hamlet: I can’t believe you and Ros broke the bed last night!
Guildenstern: Heh, yea…
Hamlet: Must have been pretty wild.
Guildenstern: Uhh…
[Previous night]
Rosencrantz: Bet you can’t jump high enough to touch the ceiling!!
Guildenstern: Try me, bitch!
Horatio: doctor Horatio, phd!
Rosencrantz: what does the phd stand for?
Hamlet: pretty handsome dude.
Viola/Cesario moodboard for @eye-think-way-too-much
“Dearest Horatio: By the time you read this, I’ll be dead. This is how I think it’s gonna happen: Laertes will stab me, then I’ll stab Laertes, then Gertrude will drink from the cup poisoned by Claudius. Then, I’ll go over and stab Claudius and give the crown to Fortinbras. Love: Hamlet. P.S.: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern were beheaded in England.”
—
HAMLET IN A NUTSHELL
Claudius/Polonius/Laertes/The Whole World Pretty Much: HAMLET NO
Hamlet: HAMLET MAYBE
Guildenstern: Ros and I have the kind of chemistry where we finish each other’s-
Rosencrantz: -sentences!
Guildenstern: Don’t interrupt me.
Hamlet: *stabs Laertes* I forgive you!
Laertes: THAT’S NOT HOW FORGIVENESS WORKS!!