Angsty - Tumblr Posts

tell me something i don’t know.

once you came back to the choi home, you were bombarded with arms. everyone around you embrace you as if you weren't going to come back. luckily your kids were fast asleep in the guest bedroom with mrs. choi, you slowly put your bags down and turn to mingyu. "gyu, thank you for sticking with me." he hummed and pat the top of your head.

the next few hours consisted of sitting, waiting, playing with your kids, and sleeping...

you softly hummed gotta go by chung ha and once mingyu heard you he started to sing along with you. it turned into a mini dance party as your kids started bouncing up and down. its clear they made you all happy and blessed to be alive but once your phone rang... you knew the rest of the day would make you uneasy.

you sigh and shut off your phone, the distress caused the men around you to turn. they all knew there was something wrong so, vernon quickly grabbed your phone and ran to the bathroom. he read the messages between you and **** and when he came out, his face showed disbelief in what he read. "y/n you need to stop texting ****"

"vernon, i need to know what he knows so i can stop this."

"well, this is not how you do it. he's just being creepy..."

"vernon, i know he's being creepy but soon enough i'll know what he wants me to know..."

"y/n, there is no way you're going to do any of this alone. we won't let you." seungcheol's stark voice struck your ears and your face turned red real quick. "fine. can we just sleep now? i'm so tired." they all hummed and started marching to the large bedroom.

tell me something i don’t know // part 9

its my final week of school before break so hopefully oil vs able to finish the series before 2020!

⇢ summary: the past of a single mother is fully in the past now and her future seems brighter than ever. her friends have helped her create a path she never would’ve seen. her children give her strength to push forward... she can’t help but be proud of herself, let’s hope this continues.

previous // next

While chatting with @kllmongrs​ about some ideas I posed the question that has been rattling around in my brain recently. What would Poe Dameron do if he found out his SO didn’t want children?

I’ve only ever seen Poe depicted as “that family guy”, thinking about raising his kids on Yavin IV and teaching them to fly like his mom taught him. So, I said that if the question were to act as muse food, Ella could happily use it - even the answer was up for grabs. Would Poe freak out a bit and know this was the end? Would he think ‘oh thank the Maker...’?

I am happy to say I got my answer today (and there is nothing crappy about your writing Ella!). It was a hard read only in the sense that I’ve been there, I’ve had that conversation with a guy who claimed to love me - and our conversation went over about as well as a MMA fight between a 275 lbs prime fighter and a 98 lbs freshman.

Please give “Family Man” a read and be wowed as I was <3 

family man - poe dameron one shot

character: poe dameron (star wars)

requested by @imaginecrushes

words: 2542

prompts: you’re angry with me, i know and i know exactly how this ends, both from this list.

warnings: angst (did u rly expect anything else from me?), talk about death and war, crappy writing.

summary: poe and the reader share different views about their future.

author’s note below.

“Poe, can we drop this already?”

The door to their chamber slams closed harshly as Poe is practically stepping on (Y/N)’s toes, adamant to getting the answer he wants. (Y/N) wipes her face with her hands exhaustedly as she realizes there is no way her boyfriend is going to let this argument die easily, BB8 humming worriedly besides her as she pulls at her hair in exasperation. Poe fails to see the warning radiating from her posture and keeps on pushing, placing himself in front of her as the discussion continues.

“Why can’t we talk about this?” he presses, watching (Y/N)’s every move as if he could find an answer there. (Y/N) refuses to give herself up that easily.

“Because there’s nothing to talk about, Poe.” (Y/N) shoots back, glaring up at her boyfriend when she stands up but he blocks her way anywhere, unable to escape the conversation she’s been dreading to have ever since they got together. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”

Keep reading

Drowning

It used to be a calm, open ocean, the beaches were clean, the sunset , bright and vast across the sky before dwindling into a chasm-like darkness. It wasn’t ever a cold darkness, just comforting, and like a canvas which sprinkled bright stars across the sky.

Now that ocean has become ravenous, the beach floor covered with glass, plastic and oils, the once sandy floors barely visible. Once you try to dip your feet, you’re only swept away by the harsh torrent, you, an air breather only trying to swim atop the relentless waves, but only getting swept up again in a sea of agony.

Your lungs fill to the brim, and your arms try to wane against the water in a desperate attempt to float again. Another wave hits and you’re sent tumbling, your back wounded and bleeding from the debris on the floor and you only feel the void take you.

You call for help, but the guard at the podium looks away, ignoring your plight as they have other waters they need to wade. Your eyes are red from salt and the despair that no one wants to, no one will save you unless you learn how to swim.

What if

When All Might retired, not everyone is happy about it. When I say that, I mean civilians. UA is training students to work hard, yes, people have their guess, Deku is working hard, but with All Might gone, villains get more... handsy.

Villain attacks become an everyday thing, before becoming a two in on day type of deal, Heros all around Japan are working harder than ever to keep things down with them but soon they realize that the only thing that makes Villian attacks possible is that the civilians are working with them. Day by day, people are joining gangs, doing illegal type of things that could end up with prison time, because they lost their hope. Present mic running the radio station gets calls about how Hope is no more and that they should watch out, UA is threatened once or twice a week, parents are worrying, no body is having fun.

Then riots start, all over Japan people are throwing Molotov cocktails everywhere, breaking windshields of innocent people’s cars, beating up Heros... EraserHead doesn’t know about Mic joining a group of hero’s until later when he doesn’t meet up with him like he said he would. He called, and called until someone said that he was with a rescue group trying to help people out of the riots. Eraser was anxious, panicking, has he felt this before? A few times when Present Mic got really bad cases, but it’s been so long since those....

As he rushes into the riots and fights, people spray painting buildings and yelling, coloured smoke in the air, sirens of overrunned cop cars playing in the background, he looks for his Hizashi. When he does find him, he’s laying in the middle of the street, on his side, and curled up. His speaker was somewhere else and he looked beat up, the hand on his rib and the one holding the street gave a good idea that he was kicked as soon as he was down.

Not knowing what to do, he pulled Mic into an alleyway as quick as possible, and sat down, curling up and around mic as he held him. He could call the cops, but he knew if he did that, they’d get overrun too...all he could do was wait for it to pass over or wait for backup. His hands shook as he stroked at the messy gelled back hair of Present Mic, watching him with guilt and worry. He made sure that no one came down that alleyway, and when he was very sure that everything was passing on, he scooped up the tall man and made his way to the nearest hospital.

After that, riots only continued to happen, and soon the UA was deemed unsafe for now, causing everyone to go home and stay inside for safety. Hizashi was in recovery, and Aizawa was sure to stick to his side. He explained to Hizashi what happened, and what he was thinking. If this continued, or got even worse, he didn’t want to think about how he might lose Hizashi, and Hizashi felt the same..they had a long hard discussion about things.

After hearing about the third riot that took place in only a week, they settled their minds, and Hizashi went to work, the radio station as Aizawa packed. They decided they needed to get away, so they’d move temporarily, just to be safe. Hizashi ran his shows like normal, until the end, where he announced to the world he wasn’t going to work anymore, that the riots were enough to keep sick people entertained. He told the world that there was hope, and he was leaving it for the people that could fight back. After that, he met Aizawa outside waiting in the car, getting in and holding hands as they drove their way to the airport.

Y’know, it’s not that I’m tired of soft Eskel headcanons, I just equally want Eskel headcanons where he gets upset, down in the dumps, angry, etc.

Imagining Eskel walking into town and getting a contract, talking to the contractor and finding out the the Witcher before that tried to take this beast down didn’t make it? I know they say Witcher’s don’t have emotion, but thinking of the overwhelming feeling he’d get is enough to keep his jaw tense through the entire thing, his wrists and fingers sore from clenching and unclenching. He mourns pretty hard for them, since no one else is gonna do it for these Witcher’s.

Or seeing Eskel fuss over Lambert in Kaer Morhens kitchen, they’re suppose to be making dinner when Lambert uses the wrong ingredients, and he’s not upset over that, but the facts that Lambert kept putting the wrong things in it on purposes after made him set things down roughly and inhale sharply through his nose, before walking out with a long and heavy sigh. He walked the walls a couple of times that night to cool off.

Possibly the saddest of the bunch is maybe he’s having a good day, didn’t get as injured on a hunt and got paid full price and while he’s walking back to Scorpion, a babe let’s put a startled cry from the look of him, causing the mother to startle at him too. This caused a chain reaction, more eyes and more disgusted and terrified looks sent his way and he only just realized he left his hood down. It completely shatters his mood.

I love making headcanons for happy Eskel, but adding a mix of both happy and sad headcanons makes my cake. I like to think that he also has support there for him of course, after ever shower is sunshine.

Ahem-

I wanted to write about this for quite a while, but every time there was something stopping me..

⚠️Warnings!!!⚠️

•This post is not connected with the theme of this blog, just a rambling of mine

• an angsty post with a mention of suicide

Sometimes I try to get rid of dark and disgusting emotions by the help of any kind of art and it usually goes in 3 stages.

1 stage:

For example writing a poem of how I hate something right now or drawing a doodle/art with a character who has a tragic backstory. Crying....a lot and questioning my life choices and a purpose of existence. Then hiding these poems and art somewhere in my room.

2 stage:

Forgetting about the place I hid it in and what exactly has been created. Focusing on the life and schoolwork.

3 stage:

Suddenly finding these "pieces of art" during general cleaning and taking a moment to think. Then crying happily and thanking my past self for not doing a freakin suicide.

『I do not regret living

I am more or less happy with myself』

Then it goes all over again, sometimes methods and stages change but the result is one...I continue on living

But...there is always this but....however....an exception out of the rules I've been used to for so long,

this tiny dark thought that appeared

I've made this video during these two weeks because of once again falling into this abyss...and I really thought that this feeling would just go away...

sometime.... like it always did

this time I couldn't stop on just 3 stages thing.

No, it was harder than I expected

At first I couldn't even recognize the depression, cause

『aight, I am just exhausted, sleep will help』

It didn't

The situation escalated quickly

The thoughts became darker than usual

『Why am I acting so awkward?

Can they hear me? I want to tell them- no, not now

Speak normally, f* concentrate!

They are my friends ...well...classmates.am I allowed to talk to them? I'll definitely disturb them...it is better to stop the social interaction....I don't want to ruin somebody's day

They won't see the real me if I keep wearing the mask

I want to cry

Focus

Fell asleep during the lesson

Focus

My grades are lower than usual

Focus

I need a place to cry, maybe behind the coats?

Is there a reason to live? to exist?

Why am I trying to cut myself if these scratches are not deeper than a cat's?

Is it better to jump? hang? or poison?

Wait stop-

Not now.....I need to stop... freakin slow down

Life is wonderful even if it's a lie

I can't stop crying

I am not fine

I want to disappear』

These are not even a half of what I went on thinking about.

The constant pressure and failed attempts to focuse made me just look like a tired lad, nothing more, not even a suicidal shadow made it up to my face. Every single thought was trapped inside, deep down, until I was home...where I really could cry without looking suspicious

『Oh! I-I've just watched a series with a dramatic end, that's why I'm crying』

Excuses and more excuses each day

Then I've finally decided to countdown the days from 15th to 21st of March.

Only 6 days and only 2 variants.

I'll end my life...No matter how, I'll do it!

Or

Continue on living...happily

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

After 6 days of deciding

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Today was the 21st of March and I'm still alive

I've realized a few things:

•I want to live

•I want to talk to people

• why did I even hesitate whether they see me as a friend or not? Of course we are friends.

•I don't want to burden my family with more troubles

•I don't want to become a cheater that could just escape this life without living it

That's what I chose after being depressed for about two weeks.

We must never give up!

💚💚💚💚

Church Boy-Offer

Travis' POV:

I punched him...

Holy shit...

After that, I just walked away. I couldn't let anyone see my fucking sinning face. I went to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I tried to hold them back, but I ended up crying like the failure I am...

I stayed quiet, now and then a small sob would escape. After a few minutes, I heard footsteps and wiped my eyes. "Someone in here?" a sweet voice asked. 

I recognized it.

Sal...

"No shit, get out."

"Are you okay?"

"What do you think!?"

"...Why do you hate me so much...?"

"Because you and your friends are a bunch of fags! God will never love you, why should I?"

"Y'know, we're not all gay. Except for me and Todd, were super gay."

"...I don't really hate you...or your friends..."

"I didn't think so..."

"..."

"Hey, if you ever want to, y'know, hang out or get away from your dad, you could hang out with me."

"..."

"Just, think about it and let me know. If you ever need anybody to talk to, I'm always here for you. I will never turn you down, my door is always open."

"Thanks..."

"No problem!"

"But, why are you being so nice to me?"

"I don't think you're a bad guy, Travis. Under all that anger, I think there's a good dude who's afraid to be himself."

"You're wrong..."

"What?"

"You're wrong. I am of nothing good. I am a sinner. I am a failure..."

"Travis, don't say that. You aren't any of those things. If I thought so, I wouldn't be here."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Thanks, Sally face..."

"Of course, Travis."

"Hey, um."

"Yeah?"

"It's just...Mrs. Packerton said I needed some tutoring. Do you...know anyone who could...?"

"I could!"

"You?"

"Yeah, if that's okay with you. We don't have to be friends, but I wouldn't mind helping."

"Are you sure? I mean, after what just happened, I didn't think you'd even consider me human."

"Travis, we can be friends...we don't have to be enemies..."

"..."

"Are you free after school? We could start today."

"Yea...I'll have to...sneak out..."

'Oh, no. You don't have to. I could go over to your house! Or we could meet at the park or something. I don't want to get you in trouble."

"Why the hell are you so fucking nice?"

"I...I don't know..."

"..."

"Well, I live in Addison Apartments. Stop by if you want..."

"..."

I felt my eyes tear up again. They wouldn't stop and I didn't put in an effort to make them. Footsteps erupted from in front of the stall and then the bathroom door slammed shut and I heard the bell ring. It was time for class.

I opened the stall and snatched my backpack from the floor. "Shit..." I muttered, running as fast as I could to my next class. 

Once I arrived, I sat in the back and pulled out my book. It was about space. I stole it off my dad's shelf, I wanted to read something other than the Bible. He would've killed me if he found out, whatever. Not like he reads these anyways. Just for display.

Just like our family...

Display...

*Time Skip*

I went to my 4th class. This one I had with Sally...That fucking freak. Weird ass blue hair, I never even saw any brown spots at his roots. Was it natural? Weird... And he always wore his hair super feminine. Whether it was in pigtails, ponytails, or space buns, it was feminine. His eyes always shone through his mask. They were the same color as his hair, too. 

Baby blue...

They could practically see through me. That's what it felt like, at least, when he looked at me. They were kind of pretty. Actually, I think one of them is fake. When he rolls his eyes at me, only one rolls. The other one stays in place, maybe shift a little. His piercings were kinda cool, too.

He had his cartilage pierced. I think he did all his piercings at home because he had a safety pin through it with a little dried blood. He wasn't a pussy, I could give him that.

"Mr. Phelps, please read the next paragraph for us." The teacher called out, snapping me out of my trance. 

I hadn't noticed, but I was staring at Sal. "Uh, yea." I said, finding where we were and continue the article. After I finished, the class grew silent, and I looked around. I noticed Sal staring at me and I quickly looked away. "Mr. Fisher, staring isn't polite. Please turn around." the teacher rhetorically asked. "Yes, sir..." Sal answered, turning back around and looking down at his textbook. 

"Alright, for the homework tonight, you are all required to read the rest of the section and write a summary with at least 4 paragraphs and 5 sentences in each. Thank you and see you all tomorrow." he said, allowing us to leave. "Mr. Phelps and Mr. Fisher, do you mind staying back?" he called, standing by the door. 

Sal and I shared a look of confusion before waiting with the teacher until everyone else left. After everyone was gone, he started to talk to us. "I have the understanding that one of you is exceptionally gifted in mat but not so much in literature. The other one is the opposite. I recommend that you two tutor and help each other for your own sake. Finals are coming up and I want you all to pass. Please consider this. I don't want to hold either of you back..." the teacher offered, suggesting that we take his advice. 

"Now, I'll write you two some passes, and you can get going." he informed, clapping his hands to signify the end of the conversation. Sal nodded and I stayed still, tapping my foot. He finished the passes and sent us on our way. 

After getting to my next class, I sat in an empty seat and started reading. "Mr. Phelps, could you please tell the class what has piqued your interest so?" My teacher said, crossing her arms and scowling. "Um...just this book..." I answered, closing the book and putting it on my desk. 

"Hmm..." she irritably said, turning back around and finishing her examples. After that class, I finished my next with no interruptions.

I walked out of the class and to my locker. After grabbing my things, I closed it and started to walk away before someone grabbed me by the back of my shirt. I was yanked to the ground and looked up to see Larry Johnson standing above me. "The fuck do you want?!" I yelled, squirming a little. "You wanna pick fights? Huh? You wanna pick fights with Sal, do you? See It doesn't feel good when someone bigger than you pick on you, does it?" he jeered, smiling wildly.

"Larry! What the hell?!" A voice yelled.

Sal...

"What the fuck are you doing to him?" Sal asked, grabbing Larry by the back of his shirt and yanking him off me. When they fell on the floor, Larry fell on top of Sal. Larry was pinning Sal down. 

I'm not sure why, but that pushed me over the edge. I got up and threw my biggest textbook at Larry's face. "Fuck you, asshole!" I screamed, watching as blood trickled out of his nose and onto his shirt.

"What the hell, man?!" he yelled back, holding back tears.

I walked away after that...

(Originally posted on May 15th 2023 on Wattpad)

"Church Boy." - Offer - Wattpad

Church Boy-RegretsTW

TW

Then I saw them.

The metallic, shiny razors. I know I shouldn't, but I wanted to see it. I picked up the razor from the corner of the sink and put it to my wrist. Before I moved it any closer, I locked the door and then immediately put my hand back over the sink. 

I glided the razor over my skin, watching as it broke, and the crimson-colored regret started flowing out. "Sinners deserve this." I tell myself, hoping that eventually I'll believe it, so this won't feel bad anymore. 

My blood seeped down my hand and coated the porcelain sink. I smiled as the tears streamed down my face and into the sink as well.

They always told me blood was thicker than water. 

Now, I can't tell as they mix together.

After I finished and I couldn't see the lines from previous episodes because they had been replaced with new ones, I left. Rolling down my sleeves, I walked back into the room with Sal and Larry. "I'm going to see Cassie." I informed. "Who?" Larry asked. "Gibson." I muttered. "You okay, Trav?" Sal asked. "Don't call me that." 

"Sorry."

"Shut the fuck up."

*Time Skip*

I walked to Ms. Gibson's room and knocked quietly. After a second, the door creaked open and there she was. "Travis? What happened, kid? Your daddy been beatin' you again?" she asked, her southern accent heavy and thick. 

(Ms. Gibson's name is gonna be Cassie)

"Sometimes. That's not what this is about, though."

"What happened?"

"I did it again."

"Oh fuck."

"..."

"Come in."

"Okay..."

I walked in and she lit up a cigarette. "Let me see," she demanded. "What?" I ask. "The cuts, let me see." she repeated. I lifted my sleeves and moved my arm to where she could see. She sighed deeply and started. "Why?" she asked, running her fingers over the marks. "I... don't know..." I lied. "Another episode?" she asked. I nodded, silently holding back tears. "Your father...is a sick man..." she commented, grimacing and tightening the grip on my forearm. "I know..." I agreed, letting the tears fall.

She let go of my wrists and pulled me into a hug. She smelled of cigarettes, cheap perfume, and booze. I wasn't used to it. When I was younger, she and my mother were very close. She knew of my father's discipline but never approved. 

I don't get why. Of course, his discipline against mother often made her bleed, but she would always say she would get better. Every time, that's what she said. And, every time, father would hit her until she was on the floor and bloody. 

Often, she would take me with her to Ms. Gibson's apartment. She would stay there until morning and then would drive me to school. One day, she drove me to school and when I got home, she wasn't there. My father said she left and wasn't coming back. 

I was hurt. 

Now, I hated her. She left me and didn't take me with her. She fucking left. No note. No goodbye. That morning, she had sat with me and before she let me out of the car at school, she took her cross and put it around my neck.

*10 years ago*

"Come on, sweetheart." my mother called, grabbing a napkin and walking to the other side of the kitchen, over to me. "Almost done!" I replied, hurriedly trying to finish chewing my breakfast. My mother bent down and wiped the corners of my mouth, smiling gently. 

"Let's go, we don't want to be late, do we?" she asked. I shook my head, still chewing. I quickly finished my food and walked my plate over to the dishwasher, loading it in. My mother scooped me up into her arms and peppered me with kisses all over my face. I giggled as it tickled me. 

"Come on, sweetheart." she said, carrying me to the living room. My mother sat me down and slung my backpack over her shoulder. I looked up at her, her brown hair was straight and silky. Her eyes were green and vibrant, contrasting with her tanned skin. 

"Thanks, Cassie." my mother said, hugging her friend. "Thank you, Ms. Gibson!" I chimed in, smiling. "Of course, Dana." Ms. Gibson responded, pulling away and ruffling my hair. "We better get going, I'll miss you." my mother said, her smile shrinking just the slightest. 

"I'll miss you, too. Is it necessary? I..."

"Yes, Cassie. It is. I can't do it anymore."

"I know."

"..."

"..."

My mother grabbed hold of my hand, gently guiding me to the door. "This isn't goodbye, Cass. It's see you later." my mother said, closing the door behind her as we exited the apartment. "Mommy, what's the difference?" I asked, yanking her arm to grab her attention. "You'll understand when you're older." she answered, monotonous and deadpan. 

I was curious but decided not to ask again. She already gave me an answer. As we loaded into the car, she put my backpack on the passenger floorboard as she buckled me in. 

*Time skip*

The ride was silent and awkward. We created an unspoken tension between us. I remember seeing a few tears fall and her quickly wipe them away. When we arrived, I unbuckled and she handed me my bag. I opened the door and tried to get out but she grabbed my arm. "Travis," she said. 

It caught me off guard. She never called me by name. I didn't like it. I felt like I was trouble. "Yea?" I ask, closing my door. "I want to give this to you." she said, sliding off her cross and holding out her other hand. I did the same and she gently placed it on my hand, curling my fingers around it as the chain fell loosely from my grasp.

"You're giving me this? I thought..." I said, confused and nervous. "Yes, Travis, I am." she said, letting go. "Now, have a good day at school." she said, kissing my forehead and smiling softly so her lips quivered. "Remember baby, it's not goodbye," she stopped.

"it's see you later."

(originally posted March 18th 2023 on Wattpad)

"Church Boy." - Regrets - Wattpad

Church Boy-Hurt

Once she let go, I stood at my full height and looked at her. She was about four inches taller than Sal. So, around my height. She kept a straight and serious face throughout our entire interaction. I nearly lost my shit and started sobbing again. I couldn't let her see me do that again. 

"Travis, you have to sort this one out by yourself. You can come back tomorrow." She said, flicking the ash off her cigarette into a black resin ashtray. "Okay..." I muttered, rolling down my sleeves and holding my hands. "Goodbye..." she said, walking me to the door. "What?" I said. "See you later..." she corrected. 

"See you later..." I replied walking back down to the elevator and using the keycard Sal gave me to get back down. Once it stopped, I got out and walked back into Larry's apartment. A woman was on the couch and watching TV with another man. He had the same-colored hair as Sal, eyes too. The woman was a spitting image of Larry. Guess this was their parents?

"Who are you?" the woman asked, moving closer to the blue-haired man. "I'm Travis, Sal and Larry's friend. I was just here, I left to go on a walk." I said. "Oh, they're in the treehouse." the man said, putting his arm around the brunette. "Where?" I ask, not having any previous knowledge of the so-called 'treehouse'. 

"Just leave through the door in the back of Lar's room. You'll see it." she said. "Oh, ok..." I said, walking towards Larry's room. "Oh, honey, I'm Lisa, by the way. This is Henry." Lisa said, giving me a warm smile. "Oh, ok. Well, thank you. See you around." I said, waving goodbye as I entered his room and closed the door. 

I walked to the door I hadn't noticed before and gently pushed it open. The cold air hit my face as I exited the complex. I looked up and saw a tall oak with a wooden house settled in its branches at the very top.  

There were a few dozen steps leading to the top, I climbed each one slowly, scared I was going to fall and bust my head open. I reached the top and heard some voices. Sal and Larry's voices, to be specific. It was odd. Usually, Sal's voice was muffled and quiet. This time, it was clear and louder. I listened before actually letting my presence be known.

"Larry, I feel bad."

"Why? He's a dick."

"Because! There has to be a reason."

"No, there doesn't. Some people are just assholes."

"Well, Travis doesn't seem like that type. I just...maybe he has a bad home life, y'know? Something..."

"Maybe, I dunno. I don't really care, to be honest."

"So you've said."

"And I'll say it again."

"Please, don't..."

"Whatever..."

"But seriously, I just want to be friends with him."

"Sal, you can't befriend everyone. You know that, right?"

"Yea, I know."

"Then why do you keep trying?"

"I just...there's something about him...he's so...mysterious? I don't know how to word it."

"Whatever, man. Maybe he'll warm up to you, doubt it, though."

"I hope so...I really do..."

I decided it was time to enter, since they had gone silent. I climbed up and looked right in front of me. My heart sank and I felt my face get hot as ever. Sal didn't have his mask on. His nose was barely existent, his lips were scarred, and little white lines and big ones too, covered his face. I could see some of his teeth from a hole in his cheek. His baby-blue eyes widened when he saw me looking. 

"Travis! Look away! Now!" he screamed, scrambling over to his mask that was laying on the floor. I adverted my eyes and tried my best to stifle a smile. I heard the sound of buckling and waited until I was told to look back up. "Alright..." Sal muttered. I looked back up and he was huddled up to himself. "Sorry...I'm sorry you had to see that..." he said, closing his eyes and putting his head to his knees. "It's..." I started, but stopped quickly, not being able to find my words. 

Quiet sobs came from the blue-haired boy as the greasy one stared at me with contempt and loathing. "What?" I aggressively ask, directing my attention to Larry. "I ought to push you down right now. That's up to Sal, though." he answered, glancing at the sobbing boy. "No! Stop it, both of you!" he yelled, through sobs and hiccups. "I didn't do anything!" Larry yelled back. "You're an ass to him! We just talked about this!" Sal yelled. "Sorry, me and him issues!" Larry said, leaning into his beanbag chair a little more. 

Sal stopped yelling and stopped crying too. He stood up and walked over to me. "Move." he demanded. "Or I'll fucking make you." he threatened. I did as he said and stepped to the side, allowing him access to the exit. He climbed down quickly, not even looking back up or uttering a word. 

"The fuck was that all about?" Larry asked. I just shrugged my shoulders in response, having absolutely no clue what the hell to say or do. "I'll bet he's going back to his room. Let's go back to mine, we can check on him in a few." Larry said, getting up and waking to the exit. "Okay?" I said, surprised at his sudden kindness. Maybe he was just being nice because Sal wanted him to. 

When we got back into his room, he sat down on a stool near an easel and pulled out some art supplies. "You paint or anythin'?" Larry asked, putting his hair into a messy bun and an apron over his clothes. "Sometimes..." I answered, plopping down on the floor. 

"Cool, wanna paint, then?" he asked, holding out a paintbrush. "Um, sure..." I said, walking over and grabbing a small canvas from his drawer. "What are gonna paint?" He asked, putting the tip of his brush in a beautiful shade of blue. It reminded me of Sal.

He has ruined it for me.

He ruined the color blue for me. 

Now every time there's a cloudless sky, crystal blue water, a sapphire stone, a morning glory flower, summer azure butterflies, and even the sweetest candy.

All of it, ruined for me. He's always in my mind. I can't get him out...

I wish I could. 

It's too big a burden to bear. 

(Originally posted March 19th 2023 on Wattpad)

"Church Boy." - Hurt - Wattpad

Hypothetically Speaking - Mockery (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/1425003775-hypothetically-speaking-mockery?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_reading&wp_uname=EnderEye587 Random scenes that come to mind. Might be one shots, or just... single scenes. Expect quite a lot of angst. Most will be with either unnamed or one off characters. Some stuff might spiral off into a story, who knows. Enjoy my brain chaos! (Warning- theres some sad stuff in here, make sure to be armed to the teeth with backup fluff)

so this is one of my stories! it only has threee parts, and its not a main story, but it holds some writing im super proud of. give it a read, if you like :>

by jeremy ville