Kind Words - Tumblr Posts
stfu stfu literally nobody has an ugly smile or an ugly laugh its just not a thing. your smiles and laughter are the literal manifestations of your joy theyre gorgeous no matter what they look like or how they sound
And in these next 50 years you will eat so many delicious meals, laugh so many times with so many people you love, shout and scream and sing and cry and smile so hard your face hurts. And you will see such beautiful sunsets and feel fresh cold air on your face and feel warm and safe wrapped up in your favourite winter coat.
So much of this worldly experience is out of our hands but we can choose to be generous w our love and curious abt life and find pleasure and amusement and refuge in the patterns of our every day and support each other and care for our world and meet even those we don’t know w grace and patience and consideration and that these little qualities are in our control is not to be forgotten
"this changed my life!" me at a multitude of things bc i'm dynamic and have an open and big heart
— Bianca Sparacino, The Strength in Our Scars (2017)
still thinking about that long post about unsolicited fanwork critique and just want to toss out there:
there is no moral obligation to improve at your hobbies.
in case anyone else needs to hear this it’s ok to be more serious. i don’t just mean ‘it’s ok to be serious sometimes’ i mean in general. not everyone has to be funny. it doesn’t have to mean you’re sad or unlikeable. you can just be serious and genuine most of the time and that’s great. i personally think that we’re too focused on ‘funny’ as the primary carrier of likeability right now. i often feel starved for serious conversation, for serious spaces, for a feeling of gravity. you don’t have make good jokes to give people a good time. i say, goof only as the spirit moves you, & don’t worry about it.
“Isn’t it splendid there are so many things to like in the world?”
L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
you are so much easier to love than you think you are – you don’t see all of the wonderful parts of you that shine through when you’re doing something you love, when you’re interacting with a stranger, and when you’re simply existing
it’s been said before and i’m sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making “i’m going to kill myself” jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.
anytime something goes wrong, say things like “ah well at least i’m beautiful and charming and everyone loves me.” when you forget something, try “my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn’t even understand.” when you’re frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you’re in My Immortal. “Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did.”
just… try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.
i know it’s tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like … i was kind of “making light” of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.
when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that’s what makes it so fucking funny.
but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we’d both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i’ve heard of you.
i was 19. i hadn’t noticed i’d been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it’s incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they’re okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?
most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don’t want to make anything worse. they don’t want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they’re scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it’s not because they don’t love you. it’s because they do.
now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn’t my brain saying you’re a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.
and the thing is - what’s kind of funny - is that you’d be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i’m too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you’re the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don’t know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become… the love they want to give you.
go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.
the night is still young. i can do yoga and use my oil pastels. i can cut another fruit. i can write in my journal. i can make a poem. i can invite the figure outside my window in
at times when hope is too big of a thing to have, curiosity (even clinical or small) is a very good placeholder
If you're not treated right, your first response should not be "let me prove how valuable I actually am, they just don't see it yet". That mindset is toxic and you're going about it the wrong way. Instead, your response should be "they don't see my value, that's on them. Clearly, we don't resonate. I have nothing to prove. Time to replace them with something/someone who does". Your response should be walking away from anything that is not nourishing your spirit.
what if I decide to let the joy slowly creep into my life the same way dread does…… what then
there are so many people who are waiting to love you. keep going
You deserve credit for surviving.
You deserve credit for trying.
You deserve credit for getting through the days.
You don’t need to be thriving, making strides and noticeable progress to deserve credit. While those things are wonderful and deserving of credit, you deserve credit now too.
Try and give yourself the credit you deserve.