I Keep Forgetting - Tumblr Posts

Happy November :)

I can't remember most of my posts anymore.

What I say: I like taking pictures of stuff.

What I mean: I worry that someday I'll forget everything like my grandmother. I already have a shit memory and that bothers me."

One In Seven Billion.

a vds one shot. you can find more on my ao3.

( @ apolloswords )

feel free to comment/message me any suggestions for one shot ideas!

A soulmate au where everyone is born with the mark of where they first touch their soulmate. Everyone, except for one.

Everyone was born with a soulmate. A person who was an extension of your own being, representing someone you had no matter what life or universe you existed in. Everyone was born with a soulmate.

Everyone was born with the touch of a soulmate. A mark, the same colour of plush lips after being kissed endlessly, a burning passion of admiration and a declaration of love for the far and near. Everyone was born with a mark, symbolizing the first place your soulmate would touch you. However, this mark didn’t appear until one turned sixteen, where they would wake up one day, look in the mirror and figure out the endless possibilities they would soon be meeting their soulmate. And then when their soulmate was to finally touch them for the first time, a soft warm glow would appear. It was both like the light of a candle and the brightness of the sun in one touch.

Everyone had a mark of a soulmate’s touch.

Everyone, except Lucas.

It wasn’t like everyone’s mark was visible. Some were on their chests, thighs or the dips of their backs. These could easily be hidden but everyday clothing and nobody would ever know where their mark was. But Lucas simply didn’t have a mark. And when he had turned sixteen, he tried to look for all the possible reasons. Maybe his parents had messed up his birthday. Maybe he would get it a bit later, some people did. Maybe he couldn’t see it in the mirror and it was on his shoulder blades or back of his neck. But after trying so hard to even find the touch of a mere fingertip, he realized he was one in the seven billion people with no mark.

With no soulmate.

It was a hard thing to accept. To go your whole life knowing that there was nobody there for you. Nobody who was searching for your soul to complete theirs. There was simply nobody for Lucas. And as he went on life watching his friends cozy up beside the one who had touched them with the warm glow, his heart felt colder and colder each time.

So eventually, he gave up and refused to believe love even existed in the first place. What was the point of it anyway? People avoided anyone who wasn’t their soulmate and only fell for those who were. Is it really love if one only feels obligated to feel that way?

Nothing in Lucas’ heart or mind seemed to prove otherwise. So after two years of trying to deal with the loneliness, he figured the whole thing was a hoax and some dumb fairytale. Surely there had to be someone without a mark either. Maybe they would be his soulmate.

“You’re being pessimistic.” Kes once told him.

Lucas didn’t tell much people about it and certainly not his parents. They didn’t need to think there was something else “wrong” with how he was “created”. They were already paranoid enough when they found out bipolar disorder could be genetic.

“Well what else am I supposed to be?” He said with a huff.

Kes shrugged. “Hopeful.”

“Please Kes.” He rolled his eyes. “You knew your soulmate right away. I won’t.”

The night after Kes had turned sixteen, his mark appeared and he excitedly showed Lucas. Since he was older by a few months, he hoped his mark would show up and match his. But it didn’t. In fact it never came. And a few months later, he was very sure that Kes wasn’t his to begin with. He recalled that moment. Even while he knew Kes would never be his, that didn’t meant he didn’t stop having feelings for him. But it was very much like loving someone from afar. Kes had nudged nudged Isa with his elbow at her sixteenth birthday party. It was a gesture he did often, but this time was different. Upon his elbow even brushing against the back started up the warm glow between them. Their eyes looked at each other in surprise, but the smile on their lips seemed assuring, like they had expected this.

But just because Kes’ moment was practically perfect, that didn’t mean they didn’t have their own troubles. The whole mark of a soulmate didn’t always mean a perfect relationship. Though it was never abusive, there were certainly ups and downs presented. And when Lucas witnessed that from Kes and Isa, once again, from afar, he realized that maybe the whole thing wasn’t worth it.

Yet, that didn’t stop him from feeling the rather lonesome pain from knowing there was no love for him in this universe.

“Jayden?” Lucas then asked, grabbing the attention of the other boy in his room. “Do you have a soulmate?”

“Well I have the mark.” Jayden answered as he exhaled the smoke from the joint. “But I haven’t met them yet.”

“I’m surprised your fingertips haven’t glowed whenever you touch weed.” Kes teased as he was offered a hit.

Jayden snorted. “If that were the case maybe I’d be married by now.”

Kes offered the joint to Lucas, and he shook his head at it. Both of them looked at Lucas in shock, as if he had just turned down the equivalent to a million dollars.

“What? Are you not smoking before the party?” Kes huffed with a laugh.

He shook his head. “Nah, not tonight.”

“Did you give up weed in the last few days or am I missing something?” Jayden added.

“Didn’t give up.” He replied with a a shrug. “I just feel like drinking tonight and I don’t really want to get cross faded either.”

A few snickers escapes the boys in front of them, and based on the context of the situation, it wasn’t solely from the effects of being high. Lucas narrowed his brows at them in confusion.

“What’s so funny?”

“You and alcohol?” Jayden snorted. “Not a good combo.”

“It’s like watching a wrestling match.” Kes laughed. “And you’re never winning.”

Rolling his eyes, Lucas scoffed at them. “I’m not that bad.”

“Well you’re certainly not good.” Kes teased. “I didn’t think there was someone out there who was the worst when wasted after Isa. But then you got absolutely shit faced at her sixteenth birthday and I was wrong.”

Right, Lucas thought to himself. Isa’s sixteenth birthday party. The sixteenth birthday party.

“Besides,” Jayden shrugged as he took another hit from the joint. “You can’t hold in your liquor.”

“Yes I can.” He defended.

“No you can’t.” Jayden laughed. “You always end up throwing it all back up later in the night. And it’s never a pretty sight.”

“Well this night is going to be different.” He muttered.

-

By the time Kes and Jayden were high enough and Lucas had pregamed just a little, the party had taken over the house and was livelier than expected. Lucas and Kes looked over at Jayden, wondering how he even knew of this party. Jayden had explained that Noah and his new friend Sander from his art school and Belgium had decided to throw a party for the end of the school year. Most people they knew were going to be there, especially Liv and the other girls. And they knew Noah decently enough so maybe they weren’t so out of place.

Upon entering the house, the bass of the music and cheers of people echoed loudly throughout the house and Lucas figured there was not one room that wasn’t being occupied. His hair was in his face, long curls he had been growing out for a couple of months now, and it was hard to make much within the darker lighting. He relied heavily on the motion of Kes and Jayden moving along, walking under the vibrant party lights that provided some guidance.

Most people at the party were heavily intoxicated. And while the three of them weren’t exactly sober, they still had way more comprehension and awareness of their surroundings. Lucas could already spot Isa in the corner of the room, hanging off of Liv who was talking to a girl with short blonde hair and one in a dark green hijab. He didn’t seem to know who they were, and figured they must be some of the Belgian kids that this Sander knew of.

“I’m going to head off to the kitchen.” Lucas whispered lowly to Kes and Jayden. “You can meet Isa and them without me, I’ll catch up.”

“Sounds good.” Kes replied as Jayden gave him a thumbs up.

Even though the house was unfamiliar, only having been here maybe once or twice, he quickly navigated his way to the kitchen. From there, he spotted Ralph near the kitchen island, hosting what seemed to be a makeshift bar. There was another guy beside him, about his height, a collared pink shirt and light brown hair.

“Hey.” He greeted Ralph, while politely nodding at the other guy.

“Lucas!” Ralph exclaimed, walking away from behind the counter and placing his hands on the sides of his face. He felt Ralph kiss the top of his head and the smell of alcohol wafted over him, indicating that Ralph was definitely not sober.

He stepped back with his wide grin and gestured toward the other guy, who waved at him. “Lucas,” Ralph began to explain. “This is Milan, he’s from Belgium. Milan, this is Lucas!”

“Nice to meet you.” Lucas said politely.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Milan said back. He gestured to Lucas’ hair and grinned. “You have lovely hair, it’s so long and the curls are so softly done. What do you do to it?”

“Oh uhm,” Lucas patted his hair and shyly smiled at the compliment. “Nothing really. I just kind of started to grow it out.”

“He’s truly blessed with being pretty.” Ralph told Milan, before grabbing onto Lucas’ shoulders snd shaking him. “Luc, you will not believe what happened to me! I found my soulmate! We met a few days ago!”

Even though he was more than happy for his friend, there was no mistaking the way he felt his stomach do a flip. He was happy for Ralph, he really was. They had spent hours together looking at Ralph’s dating apps, trying to figure out which one matched the birthmark on his forearm. It felt good to know that the search was over.

“That’s great.” He said, hoping his tone sounded sincere and genuine enough.

It didn’t seem to come off like that, because suddenly Ralph’s face fell and he was squeezing Lucas’s arms.

“Oh I’m sorry Luc, I forgot you didn’t have a mark. I don’t mean to rub this in your face.” He apologized.

“He doesn’t have a mark?” Milan said in surprise.

“Uh, no.” Lucas replied, swallowing hard. “But it’s okay, I’m fine.” That was a lie and the three of them knew it. He turned to face Ralph and mustered a smile. “But I’m happy for you, I really am.”

“Awe, thank you Luc.” Ralph said, patting his face gently. “I’m sure you have someone out there for you. But for now, can Milan and I fix you a drink?”

“Yes please.” He said. “And I’ll probably need a lot.”

-

Lucas felt terrible.

That was an understatement. Lucas felt sick to his stomach and he wanted nothing more but to crawl under some covers and stay there until the noise around him wasn’t so loud. And until he didn’t feel so nauseous and uneasy.

Jayden was right. He couldn’t handle his liquor. At all. By the time in the night, he had lost track of how much he’d had to drink but it was surely way too much. There was no way he was going to tell Kes and Jayden either. He would choose another time to deal with their “I told you so” and relentless annoying teasing.

His feet managed to carry him to the second floor of the house and the second he reached the top of the stairs, he felt a little better. It wasn’t that crowded and there was room for him to take some slow deep breaths. But that didn’t mean he still didn’t feel terrible. Before he could throw up everywhere, Lucas ran around trying to find a bathroom.

The first two doors he tried were locked and he heard a few annoyed reactions from the other side. When he pushed on the third door, it swung open and revealed an empty bathroom.

Or what he assumed was empty.

The smell of weed hit him as he took in the boy sitting on top of the second. The lights were off and Lucas could hardly make most of his features, aside from the tall built frame of his body and the silhouette of a few hair strands falling in front of his face. Due to his impaired vision from all the drinking, Lucas turned on the light.

And realized how beautiful the boy in front of him looked.

For a second, they looked at each other. There was something so knowing in the other boy’s deep brown eyes. Like Lucas had seen them before but not in real life. Like a dream or a past memory. But he knew that he once knew them. Lucas couldn’t help but hold his breath, taking in the boy’s golden tan skin, high cheekbones and defined jawline, with a silver hoop earring that twinkled when he looked closer. The boy was without a doubt, so easily to fall in love with.

It made Lucas feel hopeful.

But the sick feeling came to him again and he hated what he was about to do next.

“I’m sorry.” He breathed out, his voice static as he panted. “I’m going to throw up.”

“Fuck.” The other boy said worriedly under his breath.

Rushing over to the toilet, Lucas fell to his knees. Soon enough, the alcohol finally caught up to him and once again, he had lost this round. It was probably really embarrassing for him to be throwing up in front of a potential crush, but he would have to face that music later.

As Lucas began to continue hurling, his body felt a bit lighter and a little less sick. He began to feel more of his surroundings, like the cold tiles against his knees and the way his hair was hanging in his face. There was no way he was going to be a pretty sight after this.

But then Lucas felt something else.

A warm glow.

It was right on the top of his head, where a bunch of his curls laid messily about. Lucas could feel fingers stroking through them, eventually pulling the hair out of his face and being held back.

At first he thought that maybe it was only coming from the gesture itself. That maybe his body reacted warmly to the assuring touch. But even in his delirious state, Lucas knew it was much more than that.

He could feel the glow everywhere in his body, from the top of his head and the tip of his toes. Flashes of past lives seem to run through his mind in a whimsical swirl, colours and expressions of happiness and love spinning through him that he almost felt dizzy. And each time he could make something out of the colourful mess, only deep brown eyes appeared, looking at him with the same knowing look that Lucas had seen a few moments ago.

Finally, when Lucas figured all the contents in his stomach were gone, he got up and splashed some cold water in his face. His body felt tired as he hopped up on the countertop, where the boy once was.The boy followed and jumped up as well, since the countertop was big enough for the both of them. He waited quietly until Lucas caught his breath and finally mustered the courage to look at him.

“Sorry.” He murmured. “That probably wasn’t the best first impression.”

The corner of the boy’s dark pink lips turned up into a smile. “It was memorable though.”

The both of them sat in silence for a bit, not really knowing where to go from here. They had just met- what were you supposed to do with a person you just met? Let alone the soulmate you had just met. It wasn’t until Lucas noticed the boy playing with his hand, more specifically the one with all the marks.

Lucas had never seen marks like these. They were all over his fingertips and palm of his hand, like a map of the world. They appeared in his left hand, and that was when Lucas realized that was the hand that first touched him.

The boy snorted as he continued to look at his hands. “You know, I thought it was pretty unfortunate my soulmate mark was on my hand.”

Looking at him confused, Lucas replied. “Isn’t the hand the most common place to first touch someone?”

“Well that’s why I hated it.” He smiled to himself. “It’s the easiest way to touch someone and when people see it, they always think that something could happen the second I touch them. Even if it’s a stranger at a coffee shop handing me my coffee. It’s so simple and so obvious.”

“That’s probably better than me though.” Lucas shrugged. “I didn’t even think I had a mark.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never saw my mark. And then I thought I was a late bloomer and even after a few weeks, it never came. So I started believing I just never had one.”

Reaching over, the boy took his left hand and brushed some curls out of Lucas’ face. He felt the familiar fuzzy feeling spark though his body at the touch, as the boy smiled admiringly at him.

“It was just under your mess of curls.” He said lightly, and Lucas felt like his voiced was dipped in warm honey.

“I’m Lucas.” He said, reaching out to shake his hand. “I’m your soulmate.”

Smiling, the boy dropped his hand from Lucas’ hair and shook it. “I’m Jens.” He squeezed Lucas’ hand and a soft glow seemed to emit from their held hands. “And I’m your soulmate.”

And with that, Lucas finally understood what it meant to have someone meant for you. Someone he would soon see as an extension of himself, someone who made him better and who made him feel like he had the world in his hands. Someone who was his, in every lifetime and in every universe. Someone who indeed, was his soulmate.

He had finally found his one in seven billion.

Everyone applause I finally drank my vitamins

Guilty as charged

ur favourite ao3 author definitely has to go back and reread their own stuff cuz they forgot major plot points in their own writing btw it's just a fact

imagine just doing a huge art posting dump because you keep forgetting to post couldn’t be me