Funny Jokes - Tumblr Posts
I should tell my friend this...:D
I'm on a really strict vegan diet right now but I'm finding it really hard
The vegans are so hard to catch
I think the quality of the joke depends on what time and state you are in when you hear/read it
Yo Mama Jokes (1/21)
Yo mama so Fat she go to Bathroom and crap on the Toilet
Yo mama so Rich she went to the Mall buy some a iPhone
Yo mama so Smart she got Boyfriend Genie from Midnight Horror School
Yo mama so Hairy she looks like a Squatchy Berger from GoNoodle
Yo mama so Fat she going to the Chinese Restaurant
Yo mama so Strong she training with Coach Terry from GoNoodle
Yo mama so Stupid she go to School about to Library
Yo mama so Slime she was a Best Friends Nova Steamsteen from GoNoodle
If the past tense of sleep is slept then the past tense of beep is bept.
Who faces the consequences when the orchestra fucks up? The reprocussionist
Where du you put the prize money when you beat Dracula at chess? Checking account
I'll open a bakery in combination with a florists and call it 'buns and roses'
How normal people spell trash: T-R-A-S-H
How MHA fans spell trash: M-I-N-E-T-A
A like it's not always an "I understood the joke" sometimes it's a "I didn't understand the lore behind it but I thought it was funny anyways"
Saltburn flashbacks
The Minotaur in his Labyrinth
Roman mosaic
Conímbriga, Portugal
3rd century CE
Things that happened this decade Part 1
Cousin: Dammit! I'm not tall enough to ride the Viking! Curse my height...
Me: *looks up from book* oh, what a pity. I mean, it's not like there's things called heels that make you taller than you really are and all that but you know, such a pity. *goes back to book*
Cousin: *squeals* Thank you, cuz! That's a wonderful idea!
Me: *flicks the page to the next one* Whatever are you talking about?
Things that Happened this decade Part 2
Me: *reads book, comes across a cute part, makes inhumane noises cuz OTP*
My siblings: *turns to look at me with a weird look* What...?
Me: *not looking up* Don't. Just don't question it.
My siblings: *turns to look at each other before shrugging and ignoring me*
~
Me: *casually walks around the swimming pool to go to the other one*
Cousin: *pushes me into the pool*
Me: Fu —!! *falls into someone's arm*
Me: Who the-? *looks up to see my old Crush*
Old Crush: So... You fell for me, Huh?
Me: *dying inside* I — uh, excuse me for a second...
Me: *gets out of Crush's hold, awkwardly smiles before turning around and glaring at my laughing cousins*
Cousins: Oh fuc...
Me: *cracks knuckles* Oh, you're going down.
Cousins: *runs*
Me: Get back here!
~
Me: *stares disdainfully at Pastel dress* I hate this...
Me: *wears it and goes to Christmas Party wearing it*
My friends: *points at my dress* What?
Me: *glares* Don't.
My friends: Alright *goes back to whatever they were doing*
Me: *pulls on dress* I hate this. It makes me look soft...
One of my friends: That's because you are soft. *fixes my dress*
Me: *gay panics*
~
My mother: So, what do you want for Christmas?
Me: My Hogwarts Letter
My mother: Dear, we already talked about this. There is no such —
Me: HoGwArTs LeTtEr
My mother: *sighs* Alright!
Me: *lights up* Really?!
My mother: No.
Me: *deadpans*
~
Me: *brings home Bisexual Pride flag that a friend made for me*
My family: What's that?
Me: Uhhhhh... Nothing... *panics cuz I ain't out of the closet yet*
One of my brothers: I don't know, that looks pReTtY gAy tO mE
Me: *sweats and panics more* UHMM-
My brother: Wait... Don't tell me—
Me: *panics* IM ON MY PERIOD.
My family: *blinks* okay... *leaves because it was awkward*
Me: *looks at my dog who was staring at me* I panicked, I'm sorry.
Satan is coming for me- 👀 👀 👀 👀 👀
