Ba-by-bi - I Heard We're Doing Tumblr Again - Tumblr Blog

There is a special kind of feeling, one that continues to intrigue me. It is a feeling that manifests physically, of course, because all the important ones do. You know you have it when you find yourself smiling and you don’t remember starting; or when the corners of your mouth fly upwards like arms having been pressed to your sides for a while, like a plastic bottle filled with air in a bathtub; when you consider wiping it off because you know you look stupid but then you just decide to leave it there because it makes you happy. You know you have it when you constantly feel like taking a deep, very deep breath, until your chest can hold no more air; not because you can’t breathe, but because there is something in there that needs more space. When you can feel a delicately swirling pattern inside, caused by your heartbeat and breathing and maybe something more, different rhythms like layers woven into an ever-changing yet steady pulse that both presses and pulls against the walls confining it. Like a living thing, formless but tangible, an amoeba perhaps, or a soul. And you’re smiling still, and you wonder what happiness truly means; if it’s those ecstatic states you’ve only ever heard of… or if your own personal kind is precisely this, a thing of subtle beauty, a wallflower among emotions. It could so easily be drowned by another one - yet it is not; because in the face of far more powerful rivals it secures its existance by simply taking away their desire to dominate in the first place. And as it disarms its superiors it pulses on in innocence, with a dim, humble glimmer and a simple, astounding grace.

It is, I believe, the internal equivalent of the smile.

oh that was an interestingly fast change. i believe on eyear ago you were still confidently postingabout how accurately you can judge others by the music they listen to

i feel so nervous when im showing my favourite songs to people like i feel so personally responsible for their enjoyment of the music its as if im showing them something i wrote myself

this is a recurring theme around this time and i appreciate it a lot

I HATE MY NAME

Okay I have spent the last hour googling what to do when you hate your name and don’t live in a country where you can legally change it.

Let me tell you, most of my co-complainers have no reason to complain. Y'all have perfectly okay names. Stop it. You’re like that kid in art class that always says her pictures are so terrible even though they’re great. What.

Also I need a nickname. After 17 years I finally need one. And the only one I have that wasn’t designed to hurt me sort of reminds me of anorexia.

Fuck my life.

great job unpacking that younger self!

sorry to report i still haven't figured this out

How do I meet new fucking people a book by me

Okay so happiness is all well and good as a state of mind but what kind of feeling is joy even supposed to be I don’t think I get it

oh. oh no. i did the thing where a white person complains that a book adaptation made a canonically white character black. oh no. i am sorry that was not cool.

The Host or Someone Ran Amok With The Hairstyle Kit

I have a problem with this movie because it puts me in a dilemma: I want to hate it because it abused one of my favorite books, but I can’t hate it because I like it too much.

Weiterlesen

oh interesting - why a gay travel guide?? was i identifying as bi at that time already?

Tumblr Tag Game-Thingie

“Seinem Großmute mag ich nicht trauen, ehe er nicht fluchen lernt. Er empfindet keinen Zorn! Muss er so sehr fürchten, verletzt zu werden? Will er aus diesem Grunde bescheiden ein kleines Glück umarmen? Und nennt es Tugend: ob es schon Feigheit heißt!”

— Irvin D. Yalom, “Und Nietzsche weinte”/“When Nietzsche Wept”

this is so funny honestly ... and really telling about how uncomfortable i still was with my sexuality and my body and sex.

Reasons To Become A Tree

- Every right to hate humans - Only have to change once a year - Nudity not frowned upon - Automatic showers - Good guy oxygen machine - Naturally sweet sugar machine - No feelings - No sex drive - Still get climbed - Omg what a bad joke - Never have to move - Always smell great - What is gender - What is orientation - Pretty reproductive organs

My biology studies are progressing wonderfully as you can tell.

One of these days, I am going to take a bread knife, work it through my skull, and punch my brain in the face.

You guys. We had it wrong this whole time.

You know those girls who miraculously seem to always have people throwing themselves at them? Those irritatingly attractive individuals who put the rest of the world to shame?

I know four of them. FOUR. And not a single one is skinny.

Do you realize what that means i guess weight isn’t the most important thing in the world what a shocker turn the earth around please we’ve been lied to

Sunset Dragon - feather painting by Alvia Alcedo (DeviantArt)

#hi